Goodbye shitty year, welcome to … another one?

Yeah, 2018 was a shitty year for me … I was fired from a very good place, where I was earning a great salary. I couldn’t get another job because I don’t have a degree that allows me to teach (I’m an English teacher) because for various reasons I couldn’t finish university, so other schools won’t hire me. I didn’t earn enough money to go back to study, I was barely making a living paying bills and buying groceries for my house. I couldn’t pay my kids tuition, I was in serious debt … some nights we didn’t have anything to eat, for me it’s ok, but I didn’t want my kids to be without food. It was seriously depressing, and I was actually depressed for all of these reasons. 

So it was a very difficult year, and I don’t expect this new one to be better. I still don’t have my degree so there’s no chance to get another job, no chance in getting a good salary, and all of these together means no improvement in my daily life. 

Did I say how much I hate December? Well, I do. I hate this month, for me it’s a Lonely and disappointing month … Christmas and New Year holidays are boring,  we have to dress up and fake smiles and greet with kisses and hugs even to people we don’t care about. And the worst date is the 26th, which happens to be my birthday. It’s lonely. I’m always disappointed, sad, wishing to be somewhere else, far, far away. I don’t have money to celebrate, so my wonderful mom always uses Christmas’ scraps and buys me a cake and celebrates with me and the rest of my family, and I’m always faking happiness and pretend to have a good time …

Bottom line, this post is very pessimistic 😂😂! But at least I’m venting … I can’t complain for this year new year’s celebration, though. I totally went against my mom and decided to stay in my house, with my kids. We were in house clothes, barefoot, doing whatever we wanted, eating chips and drinking iced coke (in my country is summer), later we sat on the sidewalk and started to fire some rockets in the middle of the streets because there were no cars at that time, and it was so much fun!

Nevertheless,  I have to confess … I’m still hoping for a better year, I still hope to get another job, to earn more money so we can live a better life, please don’t be mistaken, I’m not a materialistic person, I don’t care about clothes or shoes or things, I just want to provide my family with tasty food and safety very day,  so I will pray or wish for that.

Happy New Year! 

I’m drunk

Yeah , tonight we were celebrating my father’s birthday, and I drank one bottle of wine, alone. I wanted to be wasted, I wanted to talked without measure, I wanted to laugh (It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed happily), I wanted to feel free, forget my worries and my problems for just a few hours.

oooh, it was exhilarated, I felt sooooo good! My family understood, they know how rarely I unwind … I’ve been feeling suffocated for so long, everyday worrying about material stuff, crying silently about things I can’t change. I was happy, still am. 

I was talking about music with my brother in law,  remember oldies, singing Bohemian Rapsody (One of my favourites), Stars by Simply Red, A mi chica le gustan las de miedo by The Sacados (an Argentinian group), Todo mi Amor by JAF (another argentinian artist), they, I was having fun!

Too bad my brother was such a party pooper 😧, I was also tired, I’ve been working since morning, being a teacher it’s not easy, being the only bread winner in my house it’s hard and lonely … having ungrateful children it’s heart breaking.

I urgently need to change my glasses, I can’t see very well anymore … My precious little girl’s birthday is next week and I really want to throw a party for her … I barely have enough money to buy dinner … It was a super depressing month … I wanted to forget everything for just a moment …

Let me be happy for a few hours, please! Let me be lost in drunkenness… tomorrow I have to be me again.

 

Old Soul

Have you ever heard about “Old souls”? Well, a long time ago I didn’t get the meaning, how can a person have an old soul?

As I grew up , I was enlightened … I  have one. It’s not that I was more mature than the rest of my peers, or that I was old fashioned or a loser (more than one will say that), no, my soul was older, and also wiser than the people that surrounded me. Even my mom was more childish than me, if I can relate to someone, it was my father. He also had an old soul and he was very smart and wise (other than those, he didn’t have any more good traits).

I don’t remember much about my childhood, I can recall some flashes about playing with my sisters and cousins, very vague recollections about good times, but I can vividly remember the bad ones …screams and fights, domestic violence, drunkenness, my mum’s excessive spanking, my dad’s indifference and coldness, the absence of parental love … yeah, it sucks.

One thing I can remember in detail is when I fell from my floater (I was 4 to 5 years old) straight to the bottom of the lagoon. I was sitting in the sand, watching the sunshine passing through the muddy water, I don’t remember suffocating, though.

Ok, going back to the main point (yes, I tend to have A LOT), the best thing my dad ever did for me was to give me my first book. It was Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain. I was 9 at the time, and I drank the book like a thirsty person. I devoured it. That was the beginning of everything, my life started at that point, and my soul started to age.

From that point on I never stopped reading. My soul started its cultivation (what can I say, I’m a big fan of Chinese wuxia). I read all the classic authors, Jules Verne, Robert Louis Stevenson, Louisa Marie Alcott … I grew older and my stock mature with me, the Bronte sisters, Jane Austen, Virginia Wolf, Edgar Allan Poe and so many more! One of my favourites, whom I really admire, is Stephen King; does he, perhaps, travelled to parallel universes? Anyway, not going to dwell here.

My native language is Spanish, and things like grammar and vocabulary are very important to me. I can’t stand when people make mistakes, I really want to correct them, but I learnt that they don’t like to be corrected! Totally the opposite, they give you that displeased  “who do you think you are” look.

Note: I’m new at this,  I wanted to add a background color but I really don’t know how to. I’m good at some many things but with this kind of web stuff is way over me 😥, and I’m too lazy to learn 😋 … I always wanted to give it a try, we are talking about having a blog, so one more thing out of my bucket list!